How often have you done personality gymnastics to be accepted by others, only to find that you feel empty and lost in the quiet moments of solitude? This is what it feels like to abandon the self.
One of my clients was wrestling with the “Monster Mind” thought so many of us have that to be a “good person,” she must do whatever it takes to be liked. If you’ve had that thought too, you’re not alone. But you didn’t create this problem. It’s a cultural story we’ve been told ever since we were little, especially as girls.
How exhausting it is to pretend to be someone we’re not and to diminish our personal magic just for the sake of being liked.
I’ve done that way too many times. I bet you have too. No more.
If someone doesn't like you for being yourself, that’s okay! When we accept that we’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and vice versa, life becomes much simpler and it's easier to take ”rejection” less personally.
I invite you to a new paradigm where you stay true to yourself and let your light shine.
As one of my favorite authors, Marianne Williamson says,
“There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine...”
How would our world change if we followed the advice of Academic and Author Roxane Gay to: “Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be bitchy, toxic, or competitive. This myth is like heels and purses―pretty but designed to SLOW women down.”
Now that’s something worth abandoning!
What if we could build each other up, rather than tearing one another down?
What if we released the story that we’re not enough and instead embraced and rested in the trust that like Goldilocks’ porridge, we’re just right?
When an issue first arises with someone, we‘re given a choice to let it go by, talk about it, or walk away from the relationship.
If it’s possible (and desirable) to talk it out with the person, these steps below can make it easier.
If it’s not productive to have a conversation like this, you may be in a relationship that has an expiration date. Some connections are meant only for a specific time. It doesn’t mean that anyone is at fault; only that the shared path has diverged for right now.
No matter the nature of the relationship, no one is required to accept being treated poorly.
So far, I’ve been talking about the more benign relationship issues that tilt toward the frustrating and annoying end of the continuum.
For situations that are more severe where you are (or someone you know is) in danger, seek safety in a trusted friend, reach out for professional help, and save yourself. Your loyalty is neither a given nor appropriate for someone who is hurting you.
For years, I was confused by the limitations of common definitions for abuse. I learned that physical bruises aren’t required. The reality is that whenever someone uses their power or control over another to hurt them, it is abuse. Part of the intention of the #metoo and #timesup movements are to shed light upon this.
This is my vision for healing in the realm of our relationships:
💜 May we stand strong in our truth with kindness and compassion for all Beings—including ourselves.
💜 May we say, “YES!” to healthy, loving, and supportive relationships.
💜 May we have the fortitude to leave toxic relationships.
💜 May we choose positive growth.
💜 May we all shine with the pure radiance of our own authenticity.
Find out how to make room for yourself in your own life, turn workouts into personal playdates, and make healthy eating feel indulgent.
Want to know how it would feel if you moved yourself to the top of your priority list, could lovingly say "no" to what's not in alignment, and lived your life "on purpose?"