Are you tired of being a people pleaser?
This week, there’s been a theme with my clients. They’re putting into practice some of the tools I suggest and their lives are changing. For the better.
Can you resonate with this? One of my clients—let’s call her Jackie—has always been a people pleaser. She’s at the top of everyone’s list when they need something done because she’s always said yes. But she started feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and used up by life. By the time she was done crossing everything off the to-do list other people had made for her, Jackie had no time or energy to invest in the things that mattered most to her or what I call the big YES.
In our first session, we talked about her struggle with boundaries and wanting to be “nice.” Of course, this is an issue for soooo many of us! After a lifetime of putting herself last, starting to prioritize herself felt awkward and even selfish. As Jackie has followed my guidance to say “no,” she’s starting to notice that she has a lot more time for her big YES in life, which is writing. What used to seem like a time management problem has been revealed for what it really is: a prioritization problem. So, she’s made herself a little less available by not answering every ping and ding the moment it comes through her phone and computer.
This change hasn’t gone unnoticed. When we choose to own our lives, there’s a shift that happens in our relationships too, and well, not everyone is going to like it. It’s okay. Just as we need to retrain our own habits after years of putting ourselves last, we need to do the same with the people in our lives. So, it can get a little messy for a minute. Jackie wasn’t creating enough space for her big YES by saying “no” to other people’s agendas that were taking up her time. So, she created boundaries and people are responding.
When we get clear and start living from our big YES, magic happens—the people who are worth keeping close develop a deeper sense of trust in us. Why? Because when I can trust that you’ll say no to something, I can trust when you say yes that you won’t later make me pay for it. Relationships with people who are this clear are incredibly easy and refreshing.
Even though it may feel bad to say “no” in the moment, doing something you really don’t want to do that gets in the way of your agenda feels much worse for a lot longer.
I have lived through the experience myself and suffered being out of alignment with my big YES for years. And I know the freedom and joy that come from living life “on purpose.” This is why I love working with women to support them in the process of transformation.
Making simple, subtle tweaks to the great things you’re already doing can make a profound impact on your ability to enjoy your own life and be authentically happy. You’ll be surprised at how excited and empowered you feel when you start to embody this new way of living that prioritizes your needs.
Self-care is a lifelong love affair and practice. Think of it more like brushing your teeth than building a house. There is no arrival point, only the continuous thread of lightness and joy that runs through your life even during the challenging times. Once you’ve had a taste of this level of self-connection, alignment, and embodiment of these tools, the memory remains and will always call you back to yourself. All you need to do is listen and respond.
I’m getting ready to step into my next project and I’d love to hear from you! What do you need to support you in your self-care practice so that you can live your life “on purpose” with more joy and authentic happiness?
- Would you like a short 5-day self-care challenge where we play with simple tools and practices to integrate self-care into daily life? We all have plenty to do in life so I’m talking about sustainable activities that take just two to sixty minutes.
- Would you rather do a deeper dive, and go for 3-8 weeks (tell me what you’d like) to demystify how we got here (hint: it’s in the water), where you really want to be, and how to start living on your purpose.
Please comment below and let me know what appeals to you and/or if you have another idea you’d like to request. I’m all eyes! ;-)
P.S. If you’re feeling ready to take ownership of your life in a new way, create more time in your schedule, and find your authentic happiness, I’d love to propel you into your next level! Let’s set up your free session now.